2 Gleeps

The Fourth Right | Podsthumous EP2

Colton is alone in this one. He is using this time to try to convert you to his way of thinking, telling you the truth behind Germany, and demanding reparations all at the same time. I'm honestly not sure where Noah went.
 
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Mediocre Cannon | Podsthumous EP1

This is a posthumous pod, and it's all about reviews. Just because we start with the lakes doesn't mean the big hole is saved from scrutiny. It becomes apparent that the five great lakes are feuding over which is the best, and people at the Grand Canyon are getting their trousers stolen by a pantless German man. There isn't really much more to put in this description...that's kind of the whole episode.
 
Do you know the German man that stole our pants? Please email us if you do, they were expensive.
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Have you ever sat in a heated lake before? I have. Let me know if you want the deets
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He Blew It Side C

How can there be a Side C on a tape? Really? That's what you are thinking about right now? This is Colton here, and I just posted the audio that I was only supposed to post when Noah dies. I personally would think that is a little more pressing and concerning. Let me tell you my reasoning. We recorded a few episodes in advance because we were going on a road trip through the beautiful and astounding Great Plains. There the prairie lay, uniform and unvarying, spanning, unbroken, to the ends of the horizon. Staring at it, let me tell you, those flat lines almost made me flat line... Anyway, I worked diligently to make sure everything was done in a timely manner so the audience didn't have to suffer. I had just posted the most recent episode, and not even 3 hours later, Noah died. I'll be honest, it was obvious that the Multiple Sclerosis was going to be the one to kill him, I just didn't expect it to happen like it did. I don't want to beat around the bush, so I will just come out and tell you how exactly my co-host met his end. As we were nearing the end of our trip, many memorable things had happened, but it's all overshadowed by the memory of the last time I saw him. You see, towards the end, we found ourselves in Colorado. We made our way to the top of the Rocky Mountains. (The highest part where tourists are allowed to go by car.) He just wanted to get a slightly better view of the range, so he climbed over the safety guard rail. Noah didn't even go out more than 10 feet (about 3 meters), when he stepped on a loose pile of rocks. Really in most cases it would have been no big deal, but in this one instance...by complete coincidence...his leg muscles stiffened, and he wasn't able to balance himself before falling. He immediately fell back and cracked his skull on the ground. Without hesitation, I went to go help my friend. Forgoing all safety, I jumped over the rail. It wasn't too late. The damage seemed minimal. He must've been in a lot of pain, but he was still alive. After all, people have fallen from much higher and lived, and all he did was trip. I guess my point is that I'm kind of a hero or whatever. Just keep that in mind when I tell you what happened next... When I jumped the rail to help him, I tripped on his loose boot strap, and while trying to keep myself from falling...I accidentally nudged his body with my foot...sending him plummeting down the cliff. It was a really steep cliff.
 
So I guess the moral of the story is, "don't help people because you are only going to make things worse". Also, I reached out to Noah's twin brother, and he has agreed to host the podcast with me going forward. We talked about it and have decided that in order to avoid some sort of awkward transition period while The Orient gets used to a new host, he is just going to do the podcast in character as his brother. Don't worry, no one knows Noah better than his own twin brother, and he is extremely familiar with the podcast and our style of humor. You probably won't even notice the difference, since Noah told him everything (pretty much up to 6 minutes before the death). Noah would've wanted it this way...probably. But who really cares what Noah would've wanted, it's my podcast now...well, and his brother's I guess.
 
If you want to send your condolences, you can send them here. It would really mean a lot to both hosts.
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If you think cassette tapes should have 3 sides, express that to me here:
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Papa Nazi Side B

Welcome to the second recorded and third posted of the heat episodes. Colton was late, probably because he was too busy growing poison ivy. Noah is trying to enter a medically induced coma without the help of medicine, and old people are getting blown away...literally. We also discuss the plans for the podcast after Noah's death, ask the audience a trivia question (answer listed below), and reveal the truth behind the podcast that the victims were too embarrassed to admit, in this episode that quite frankly is a return to man. Also, did you know Colton doesn't listen to music?
 
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Why do babies die?
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Would you like to buy some histamines from me?
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The Call Forward

In this bonus episode we answer pretty close to like one hundred questions or something. We are coming off a heat high, from recording the last episode, and that's What is the greatest risk you have ever taken?Have you ever thought of what your future baby will be named?What are those things you are to old to do but still enjoy?What are your pet peeves?Who is the messiest person you've ever known?Which of the two smells better, grass or bread?Who is your all time favorite Disney character?
 
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Christmas In Ukraine Side A

This is a heat episode...but it's only half of a heat episode...but it's actually a full episode though. We talk about Colton's Thanksgiving in 2006 and Noah's realization about cigarettes.
 
Do cigarettes do anything for you? Tell us how to make it work properly.
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Would you have the audacity to die multiple hours away from your family? Tell us why you would do something so atrocious.
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The Buffett Line

If you could meet anyone in this world today, who would you meet? What's the best type of cheese for you?
 
Warren Buffett, ramen rice, the bees cheese, and Tom Selleck the garbage man. That pretty much sums up this episode. If you think this description should be longer, then I will list some stinky cheeses: Camembert, Ami Du Chambertin, Epoisses de Bourgogne, Fiance Des Pyrenees, Limburger, Trou du Cru, Livarot Munster, Le Pavin d'Auvergne, Pont l'Evêque, Raclette, Robiola Lombardia, Schloss, Soumaintrain Berthaut, Taleggio, Stinking Bishop, Tomme de Chevre, and Vieux Lille.
 
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Mind Melters

Two things have officially been confirmed in this episode. 1) George Bush listens to the pod. 2) Rochester Minnesota has locked all of their bathrooms. We talk about how to stop ship disasters from happening, but only briefly, because dad is coming home soon. Colton is a pirate running for governor, since it's safer at the docks, and we decided to start selling denim. Also, Noah purchased some Brain Quest flash cards to make us both smarter.
 
Do you want to pre-order some Wranjler Jeans? (turns out we are required to change the spelling due to copyright)
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Don't forget to remind me to make those jeans. Send an email here in 4 years, because I will forget about it.
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The Hotel Cowifornia

What instrument has the funniest sound?Where would you relocate if you were f̷o̷r̷c̷e̷d̷ ̷t̷o̷ ̷l̷e̷a̷v̷e̷ ̷y̷o̷u̷r̷ ̷c̷o̷u̷n̷t̷r̷y̷?̷  a cow?Do you care about what other people tell you?
 
Theremins, cows, and prayer...these are the most important three things in the entire universe. What more could you possibly want from a podcast?
 
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Witch Case

We talk about some current events in this episode, but I think The Beatles said it best when they said, "We all live in a yellow submersible". Don't worry, the people from the Titan voyage are okay. After all, they have Fred Noonan with them, and I would trust Fred with my life to pilot anything. We also talk about shooting at Mass, and an evil lesbian witch that steals all the available women by turning them gay.
 
If you know where we can find Amelia Earhart, please let us know. She owes Noah money.
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Who do you think would win in a fight: Fred Noonan or Adolph Hitler?
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